IS IT REALLY PARENTAL CONCERN?

Having children is a great responsibility.  It is an hourly interaction that goes on for most parents until the child becomes a young person and is launched into their own situations.  Yet, often parents don't know when to let go.  This is not an intentional act and it takes maturity to see where a parents influence is not healthy for a young person.

     Sometimes the parents own failures become the same for their child through their influence.    

In Genesis 2:24 of the Holy Bible God tells us  "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh", (King James). This means; that when a man and woman marry they are uniquely joined together by God in a ordained relationship as one flesh.  They become one in Gods eyes. 
     What does this really mean and how does a couple declare their independence from their parents without hurting them? 
It means that everything is shared and considered as a couple, brought to God together, and although a man may be responsible for the financial in the relationship or maybe the woman has that role, the other takes up the responsibility for the home and family life design.  We often view this today in this century as teamwork.

Your Parents:concerned parents are a gift that keeps on giving.Its impossible to expect them to understand for a while how to reign themselves in and allow their child to make their own way.    Unless of course you were thrown out at 18, jobless,uneducated and unmarried you have to learn how to nicely teach your parents the difference between loving concern and control.   
My mother never let go of me.  She always said what she felt and gave her opinions about our jobs, our children,our lifestyle and our religion.  It was difficult to say no to her when saying yes meant the first down payment for our home, showering our children with expensive gifts and becoming the go to for any short comings we had.   However, it wasn't free money.
      In our family the idea was we shared our work and our successes. My parents being entrepreneurs. I worked in their businesses running them long after they had lost interest and moved on.  The upside being, I now have a tremendous business sense and am just completing my credentials to run another of my moms abandoned businesses. My choice, my way.  
However, what has prompted this entry is my own daughters  experience with her in-laws lack of observance of boundaries. 

In 2005 my daughters in-laws move from their home in Florida to New Hampshire the step-dad puts in a good word for my daughters husband and he is offered a job with the same company the dad is with.  They pick up and move 3,600 miles away from me taking my grandchild away abruptly.  
     Sure I was angry but over time I saw the necessity of them moving towards a better life, that I could still be a good grandmother on the phone, Skype and through visits.   
It wasn't long before  my son in law moved forward into a dream position with the city. The job is something that isn't around much anymore, a pension at early retirement, Full benefits for he and his family, Paid perks,trainings and great potential for advancement and variety.  A dream job right? Well it isn't like he didn't work hard to get there. Now because of his parents inability to observe their boundaries he is willing to throw it all away for a software sales position that is only a stepping stone job.

 I tried to ignore the fact of the influence the step-dad had on the first situation, I saw it more as a favor because they weren't doing anything permanent  where they were living.  
     Being introspective I saw that it was a time to develop my own boundaries anyway.  Yet his parents cannot seem to do this same thing. For some reason the father was not able to make it in New Hampshire and recently moved his whole family again (including adult children), across the country to Idaho.
     Of late,The phone calls have ensued encouraging my daughters husband to pull up stakes again and join them.
      The man is either an imbecile or is controlling, jealous of his step son or all of the above.   
     The results are devastating already, where they were making this new home their own they have allowed it to fall into disrepair, projects and decorating abruptly halted. My daughter has begun to sell everything again in preparation for a cross country move.  The garden is hardly planted(why bother?), They sit and watch TV most of the day or play on their cell phones as if waiting for life to happen to them, they have given up. Even my granddaughter refused to sign up for summer camp as she is expecting to move. 
     I have to weigh in on this, I am going to blame the lack of integrity on the part of his parents  In essence my daughter and her family have been robbed.   Yet , I have held my tongue.If I were to address the issue with her I would be as guilty as they are by using my influence too.   Except I did respond when asked by my daughter," why do you not like  his parents".  (I did not know it was that obvious.) I blurted out that I thought they were selfish and shallow people.  But mom, "they are wonderful people." I said nothing as my mind knows better. Wonderful people do not wreck their children and grandchildren s lives for their own selfish reasoning's. 

All I said to my daughter was not to underestimate a parents influence on a child.  I related to her how my own mother could not stay out of my life and that I was unable to declare my own independence. That it is the parents responsibility to learn boundaries.  
     I know God has his purposes for them whether they follow his parents again or stand firm as one flesh counting their blessings.

On another note: Lightning. Stay tuned...