CHILD ABUSE

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So they don't all look like her! Some are older, some are ugly some are pretty, some are frumpy and poor and some are obviously more well heeled.  But they all share the same heritage, they are child abusers.  
I saw her, I was sitting in the van waiting on mom to get her painting supplies.  She was older, mid- 60's, Overweight and hiding herself in larger clothing, her hair mussy making her appear to have no self-concern.  

Walking beside her was a boy of about 10, he had his hand on the cart she was pushing, it was full of with Home Depot purchases. Then I saw her, she kicked him in the leg and he fell away from the cart in pain and began to cry.  I was in shock momentarily. They walked to a van near us and she opened the sliding door and the boy still crying got in and sat down. Then she started to hit him, I saw her arm raise up through the window and she hit him again and again. I said to myself,"here is where what you believe takes a turn." I started our car and drove it over to the parking space next to their van, on the side where the door was open. I looked in and saw her still hitting him. Then she realized I was there, she began to make it look like she was picking up the junk on the floor. 

I was parked so that I could see into their van perfectly. I could sense she was aware of me. she did not comfort the child as he cried big tears rolling down his chubby cheeks.  I contemplated getting out and becoming involved more than I was at that point.   

I left the motor running and took up a grocery flyer we had brought with us and pretended to be reading it. Sitting, determined, staying there.  It wasn't hard. I was right and she was wrong. You don't hit a child like that, no reason warrants that kind of treatment.  

My mother came out of the Home Depot and we loaded her stuff, about the same time a man came to that van.  He was frowning and dark. Mom came to get into the car on their side and he looked over as he was speaking to the woman child abuser in the van. It appeared to me and my mother that he was speaking to her, in a kind voice she said,"excuse me, were you speaking to me?" He glared at her as a devil would and spat out,"I didn't say a thing to you lady," wiping his filthy hand on his mouth. 
Mom and I stayed there in our van not even moving to allow for him to load his van from the side,(if that was their intention) they had to open the back. Mom and I had a little discussion about what I had just seen and why we were staying parked where we were.   She asked if she should call 911. I told her they would be gone by the time an officer came.  The boy at that point jumped out and joined the older man in loading a window they had purchased.  Finally, it appeared everyone had calmed down and we drove off.
  
I felt anger and disgust all day.   Watching that horrible person abuse that little boy.  

 I am a mother of 4 and I only once lost my temper like that. But I did not beat my child.  I put the paddle in the wall instead.  
The Bible tells us not to cause our children to wrath. I never understood that for a while. Yet now do. We cause our children to behave as they do even in the kinds of circumstances where they are little monsters. Parenting isn't something we get by osmosis.  It is something we must learn.  

With my first child, I did not have what it took naturally to be a loving parent, I was reverting to the kind of parent my own parents were to me and that wasn't good. My parents had been that baby-boomer generation fixated on themselves.  They had the big house, fine cars and spent Friday nights at the club and Saturdays sailing. Instead of taking me school shopping I was handed a credit card.My mother had fur coats and they always had drinks after work by the fireside, wine at dinner and aperitifs after dinner and a nightcap. My relationship with my parents was basically to be seen and not heard.My stepfather had a lot of things that I could not touch. I did not even get my drivers license until I was 18 as there was no car they were willing to allow me to learn on.  I was sent away for school soon after my 13th birthday.  Although, I did attend high school locally  I again left home for college.    

I spent a lot of time at other kids houses that had parents who were more hands on.  I knew early on if I had a family I did not want to be the same kind of parent my parents had modeled to me. However, I did go on to marry  and to have a family of my own like most of us do.    

  Around the time I had child #2 It happened. That life changing moment and epiphany. 

My mother who had come from out of town to help and had gone out of her way to do what grand mothers do. Spoil and dote on a family she rarely sees.  Mom  had been fixing pancakes everyday for child #1. Taking her places and buying her things, luncheons at McDonalds and happy meals galore, the toys scattered all over the floor, and bags and tissue cluttering the hallways.   It was the day after gramma left.  Daddy had gone back to work and I was on my own.  Having been up all night with child #2, I had just fallen asleep about an hour before I heard the TV come on. Child #1 was up and beginning her day. Dad was gone already. I dragged my bleary eyed self out of bed and went into the kitchen and fixed the child graham crackers and milk.  Of course she did not want that, "I want pancakes."  She announced as she fell onto the floor for a tantrum, kicking the breakfast bar with her slippered feet.My Sleep depraved and barely coherent self contemplated,"certainly pancakes could wait until later, after I had some sleep or until daddy came home. The TV blared Sesame Street, crayons and color books were all over the floor next to the little happy meal goodies, and on the floor with them was this screaming kicking obviously disturbed and spoiled child.  

I felt a rush of temper as I reached towards her saying,"no pancakes today!" Just then the phone rang, as I went for the phone the baby started to cry.  I realized that I was going to have to retreat elsewhere because I was angry and tired and could have done something I would regret so I locked myself in the bathroom.

  There sitting in my nightgown at "O dark 30", baby crying, toddler screaming and kicking the furniture, phone ringing, what else could happen?  The Gold Fish that had come to the front of their tank, (which by the way was in the bathroom for lack of space in a starter home.)  to look at me sitting there.  I began to laugh as their little lips spoke to me saying," What the heck woman? Laughing, and crying, at the same time?" Irony? The whole importance of the situation changed.  I saw the humor in it all.    I became a fish watching this silly lady, funny...or so at least  the fish thought it was, their-little lips breathing in and out , their wide eyes fixated on me crying/laughing on the toilet seat.  


Later that day I took action, I joined a parenting class at church and then a group called MOPS, Mother of Preschoolers.http://www.mops.org/?gclid=CjwKCAjwxJnNBRAMEiwA8X_-Qb_l4GqqxQRXaGICu6Mlnsp9N5SilxQFpgBeIY6VvJE4Nmm-vZBNVxoCM2sQAvD_BwE I was able once a month to get together with people of a like mind and learn how other people parented.  
I changed and became what I wanted to see and who I wanted to be. I learned skills that I utilized to become a better parent.  I made it my goal in life to become a good parent. I began to understand the importance of a child, having children, carrying on my own lineage.  
I contemplated: that in this world even though I will surely live and die , despite my expertise in areas applicable to making money or changing the world, my children are my legacy. No one will remember who I was , like everyone else my name will be on a marker someplace with birth and death date engraved into marble. Yet, they will know me by what I left behind in my prodigy. Would I have stylized a monster? Like that young man who obviously hated himself, and his life, spatting at my little old mom some venomous words out of his hurting heart. Was he too beaten by his mother and father?    
No, Parenting doesn't come naturally. Yes, it can be taught and learned. Yet, most of all, good parenting can be found in attitude. An attitude of love is what a good parent always has.  Treat children with love as they are a gift from God.  Love doesn't raise a hand in anger, love doesn't say terrible things to a child .  Love looks the other way and comes back in kindness and concern. Love is selfless and doesn't press its own desires on another.  
(1ST CORINTHIANS 13:4-8)https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8

Let us treat our children with respect and love, instead of reaching out a hand to strike a child let us reach out a hand to bring that child to us for a hug. Being kind and loving to that which is innocent, and uncorrupted may be the only joy we will get from this now evil, tainted, violent world.